what not to tell your potential girlfriend

Dear Potential Girlfriend,

I too come from a close-knit network of family and friends. I'm originally from Texas. My best friend joined the Air Force and left for Turkmenistein, and then our cats ran away and my mom died. My other best friend forsook me when he first experienced the touch of a woman. I moved here from Texas with my girlfriend. My dad married my aunt, and he died. (See? Close-knit!) My girlfriend dumped me for a crossdressing art student, and her parents took me in as their own. They both died. My other friend back home won't be paroled until 2013. I have five cats that hate each other. Tell me more about your family!

Love,
-John.

All things considered. No ideas left behind...huh?
--When I used to work for T-Mobile...

Hey dork...you forgot to register your truck....

I've never been around so many complainers in my life.

Manuel Diaz, 59 of Pen Argyl, PA passed away Friday November 28, 2008 in Easton Hospital, Wilson Boro.
Born: He was born on June 19, 1949 in Havana, Cuba, a son of the late Jesus M. and Margarita Herrera Diaz.
Personal: Manuel was preceded in death by his wife, the former Maria Koltunowicz, in 2007. He was employed as a Carrier for the US Postal Service in Plainfield, New Jersey, retiring in 2003.
Memberships: Manuel was of the Catholic faith. He was also a member of the National Association of Letter Carriers.
Survivors: Manuel is survived by daughters Jennifer M. Diaz of Pen Argyl, PA, Suzanne M. Stepien and her husband Christian of Palmerton, PA; a sister Gloria Morin and her husband Jose of Miami, FL, 2 grandchildren Alexander and Nikita Stepien; six nieces and nephews; and extended family Darlene Mortensen, John Buchanan, and John-Paul Gorgoroso.
Services: Calling hours will be held Monday evening from 6:00pm until 8:00pm and Tuesday morning from 10:00am until 11:00am in the Morello Funeral Home, Inc., 3720 Nicholas St. Palmer Twp. Funeral Services will be held Tuesday morning at 11:00am in the funeral home. Interment will be in Plainfield Cemetery, Plainfield Twp.

Sometimes I think this is a sick joke