no no no

work is becoming stressfull again. i was all over today training people who didnt want to be trained. bleh. no no no. i dont really have much to talk about. other then the same old emo shit about being lonely.

i got a 50 buck gift card from work for good qa...then proceeded to get like 20 coaching sheets. i felt like such a failure, i almost felt like throwing the giftcard away and tearing up the certificate stating im awesome, because honestly im not. im just a misrable fat fuck who cant do anything right. my trucks broken, my job makes me feel like even more of a loser, i dont have any friends. why havent i killed myself yet? oh thats right, because im a loser. *grabs gun and ammo*

bleh

*curls up and cries*

how to disappear completely

i called off work today, because i can barely speak. i can hardly talk now, but meh. im not really sick per say, i just cant talk and have a stuffed up nose. oh so yeah, im sick. im having one of those meh moments in life where im really lonely. i dont have anyone to go home too and talk about my day. i dont have anyone to sit and watch goofy anime with. i dont know how much more of this i can take.

incest post offices and clam chowder

so yea thats the gist of my weekend. something isnt making a connection in my head...something is being blocked out. seeing somethings just disgust me. seeing a lot of things disgusts me. meh this entry is being forced..i wish i could vent about a lot of things. but i cant step on any toes. i need a hobbie err a hobby.

welcome no where fast
nothing here ever lasts
nothing but memories

living makes me sick
so sick i wish i'd die

i wonder if getting help for my depression early in life would have made things go differently. would i have actually married brandy? i wonder what my relationship with my parents would have been like...ehh what if? fig newtons.

i really should be getting ready for bed and finishing my laundry. but instead, i'd rather write the same old emo'esque shit i've written time after time. whats the point of holding on to these shitty memories. shitty memories of a past life where things where much worse then they are now. but yet i cant bring myself to be any happier now then i was then.

emo'esque

things i once thought unbelievable have all taken place

/emo

emo

Please excuse me but I got to ask
Are you only being nice
Because you want something
My fairy tale arrow pierces
Be careful how you respond
'Cause you'd not end up in this song
I never gave you any encouragement
And it's doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more you try the eraser
The more, the more
The more that you appear

You know the answer so why do you ask
I am only being nice
Because I want someone, something
You're like a kitten with a ball of yarn
And it's doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more I try to erase you
The more, the more
The more that you appear
No, you're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong

boredom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth

staring at a blank text box. laying in a cold bed. wondering why im up at 7am. ahh being awake when the sun comes up. i remember many days starting like this. waking up being emotionally distraught, going and eating breakfast with my mom at the diner. going home trying not to sleep, because sleeping alone sucked. well it sucked when brandy had left me. i just remember laying in bed, feeling this horrible sadness. i dont know whats bringing on this emo rubbish, but its just flowing out.

oh, and on another subject...highshool much?

nobody nowhere understands anything
about me and all my dreams

humor me before i have to go

saturday was a comedy of errors. it basically went like this. wake up at 9am to go to the gun range, get in car, car sounds like sewing machine..tick tick tick tick drive to gun range. range hasnt been plowed. car wont make it up hill to rifle range. share a few explitives with manny. go back home to get 4wd truck. load guns into bronco. drive bronco to gun range, unload guns...then remember left bullets in car. share a few mre explitives with manny. go to gun shop and buy over priced bullets...go to range shoot said bullets. pack up and go home.

later that night i go to the bar with jen...some creepy dudes buy us drinks. proceed to watch jen get shit faced and cock cock cock cock. leave jens house and get all emo. txt mickey random things that i dont even remember. go home pass out.

tonight jen and i went to jack creek steak house for some steak lovin. i promised her if she did my taxes id buy her dinner when i got my return. came home to a newly repaired a70 and my ds r4 flash cart. w00t now i just need my memory card.

and now a sample a70 pic 15 sec exp @ f2.8 of jens parents bathroom

ssssshhhhhhh

lol at that thing i saw. lol

work shitty as usual